A Kiss Before I Go
by AlexAndOliviaForeverSVU
Summary: Someon is raped... what's new? Well this woman is mysteriously connected to Alex. As tension rises between Alex and Olivia they try to find out what's going on and slowly peice together this mystery. A/O OBVIOUSLY and SLASH for later chapters...
1. The Beginning

**Disclaimer:** I do not own a thing! Nothing to do with Law and Order:SVU, although it would be nice to have come up with these awesome characters and AMAZING story line. I'm not profiting from writing this. It is for the pure enjoyment of writing and on that note… ENJOY;)… I LOVE COMMENTS… my first fanfic… Be Nice!

*There is more to come I just want to say that the first chapter will be what Alex saw happening. Only Alex and nothing else. Next few chapters will be the same until there story gets to where it starts, when Olivia is being bitchy… Anyway I'm not going to keep you any longer…

**-1-**

**New York Police Department**

**16th Precinct, Manhattan Special Victims Unit**

**Wednesday, January 12****th****, 2005**

**10:34 a.m.**

Alex rolled her eyes at the Detectives and turned to walk out of the precinct when Olivia caught her arm, "Don't be mad at me because you fucked up Alex"

Olivia didn't want to seem so cruel but she had jealousy boiling up inside her and she didn't know how to subdue it. It was Alex's fault that they were going to lose the case! She just had to go out with Trevor Langdon, as far as she was concerned going out with him was as bad as dinning with the devil. She had heard Alex complain many times about his arrogance yet she could still go out with him… This showed her a lot about who Alex was and Olivia would not soon forget. Whilst Trevor was trying to score with Olivia's long time crush Alex he was also peeking at her notes trying to build a case against them.

Alex closed her eyes to try and hold tears back; she did fuck everything up, but if only Olivia knew… Her mind retraced her steps from the proceeding week to try and see where her plans were flawed.

**-2-**

**New York Police Department**

**16th Precinct, Manhattan Special Victims Unit**

**Wednesday, January 5****th****, 2005**

**7:30 p.m.**

"So this is what we've got, a baseball cap, lots of blood, a steak knife, and a live victim." Came from Olivia's mouth whilst she was writing on the white dry erase board. "She did the rape kit, there was no trace of anyone ever touching her besides the cut in her abdomen. We think he made her shower and then cut her, we don't really know because she hasn't said a word besides nodding her head to say yes." Again some more scribbling on the board then she turned to face Alex. Alex nodded and said, "So what's that got to do with me?" Elliot cut off Olivia and answered for her "This girl, Alex, whoever she is, is related to you…" His voice trailed off, Alex just nodded her head for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. "Well if it was immediate family I would have found out by now, who do you think she might be and more importantly where did she come from?" Olivia, determined to this time get to say what she had to say blurted out "Well we kind of wanted you to go see her, tell us if you recognize her or if she might want to talk to you…"

Oh my gosh it made Alex so mad how Olivia could keep things on such a professional level. Once again she nodded, to try and keep herself from telling Olivia exactly how she felt about her. She told the detectives she was busy and needed to clear her head especially since she just found out that she had a relative she knew nothing about that had just been raped. And she would go see the unknown girl tomorrow.

Alex made her way outside, took a deep breath, and looked up at the stars. Her life seemed to be in so much of a mess she could not believe she was related to someone she had never met before to add insult to injury. She made her way back to her car, she needed to be home, and she needed to think about some things. Once she got to her 2-bedroom apartment (which was much to big for her) she parked her car and made her way upstairs. While she was in the elevator she took off her glasses and wiped them on her shirt, then she pinched the top of her nose with her thumb and index finger. She felt a headache coming; it had been such a long day.

She unlocked her front door and made her way in her home. She dumped her briefcase and jacket on the couch and went to the kitchen to make some tea and get an Advil. She got her kettle; she had done this so many times before she didn't even need to think. She needed to find a way to make Olivia jealous to see if she had feelings for her without just coming out and asking. And as for the girl that was in the hospital she would go see her tomorrow, what's the worst that could happen? Alex sipped her tea while she read her notes on a case she was working on and then went bed. Thoughts of Olivia came pouring in like every night.

**-3-**

**Bellevue Hospital **

**462****1st Ave # A****, ****New York****, ****NY**

**Thursday, January 6****th****, 2005**

**10:22 a.m.**

Alex clutched her briefcase in one hand and her cell in the other. She would make Olivia jealous! That's exactly what she would do. She dialled Trevor Langdon that would put some steam in Olivia for sure! "Hey this is Trevor I'm not here right now, leave me a message after the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as I can." **Beep. **Alex suddenly became very tense and hung up, this wasn't right, to her, to Trevor or Olivia… Alex looked up at the hospital and walked inside. Room 574 Olivia had said, hopefully they hadn't moved her, she didn't even know her name. She got to the room and found a skinny, pale, brunette asleep in the bed. What was she going to do until she woke up? As she looked down at the girl she couldn't help but notice that her eyes were flickering, as if she was awake the whole time and wanted to see who this strange person was. Finally Alex would not let herself be fooled any longer and said "Hello, my name is Alex, and the detectives that were here yesterday, well they say that we're related in some way." In response the girl just said "My family is dead, go away."

Alex took a long look at the girl lying there and for a moment she would have complied and left. But she owed the girl, after all she had just been raped. "Listen, I'm an attorney and I work with these kind of cases a lot, and I know that evidence doesn't lie. We're related ok? So I think it's about time you opened your eyes and look at me" The girl opened her eyes and finally took a good look at the woman that was standing there in front of her. Alex was in no mood for attitude from anyone. She felt bad her voice was so condescending but she had a big day ahead of her. She had to be in court at 1:00.

Alex held out her hand and said "I'm Alex". The girl extended her arm and replied "I'm sorry, bad day you know. I'm Mandy." Alex put on the best sympathetic face she could muster and said "I can imagine". The good news was she got her to talk finally. They couldn't figure out how they could possibly be related. They went through their entire family trees not one connection. Alex was pretty suspicious about this Mandy girl, she didn't seem to have a penny to her name and on the other hand, she (Alex) had it all. It was weird talking to her, they were so similar yet so different. Alex didn't want to admit it but she had seen this girl before. But she couldn't place her. She couldn't put her finger on where. Alex made it clear that she just wanted to meet her and tell her that it was best if she spoke to the detectives about what happened to her. Alex told her that she was busy and needed to leave, to prepare for court with the promise she would return as soon as she could.

Alex walked out of the hospital and took a deep breath as if she had been under water the whole time; hospitals did that to her. Especially after her father died. After that hospitals always gave her an uncomfortable feeling. Alex got inside her Mercedes and held the steering wheel for a while and looked out the windshield for what seemed like hours, but was barely minutes.

She saw herself as a teenager, about 17 watching her father's secretary's daughter. The little girl could have been what? 7 At the most. That little girl had a distinct resemblance to the woman in the hospital, Mandy. Her father must have known that they were related. Which means that this girl had to have been his daughter and now her sister. Elliot and Olivia must have known, DNA would have confirmed it! At this point Alex was fuming why hadn't anyone told her? Alex pulled out her cell phone and speed dialled #1 (Olivia Benson).

Olivia answered "Benson".

"Why didn't you tell me she was my sister?!" Alex screamed on the other line exasperatedly. Olivia needed to hold the phone away from her ear so she wouldn't blow and eardrum. "Alex listen to me, Cragen told us not to tell you, this way you made a connection with her, without knowing you were her sister, he thought it would be easier for you since you might have to defend her in court. I'm sorry I had to lie to you. Orders are orders, you know?" "Liv I got to go" Alex heard herself say before she hung up.

Alex was furious, but maybe Don was right, maybe it was better to have a professional relationship with her. At least for now.

Alex thought for a while, she couldn't got talk to her mother that would destroy her especially after her father's death. She had no one to turn to… Alex sat for another 10 minutes then glanced at the digital clock in the car. She had to be in court in 20 minutes.

Court went by smoothly, she landed another asshole in jail. Trevor put up quite a fight! Not surprisingly, he always has to prove himself. "Alex, you called me?" Trevor broke her thoughts. "Wait let me guess, you wanted to accept that dinner invitation." Alex could not believe this man she hated him! More than anything, more than fluorescent lighting! She could not say a word she was dumbfounded. "Because as it happens I'm busy on Friday but how about next Monday?" Trevor's moronic babbling clogged her ears. GOD!! He loves to talk about himself.

**Alex, don't forget the plan, JEALOUSY!!** The little demon on her shoulder whispered.

Alex put on the fakest smile ever, imagined…NO! Pretended her was charming and "gladly" accepted on the condition she would pick the restaurant. Trevor smiled his pompous smile and walked out of the courthouse, with a certain bounce to his step. Alex rolled her eyes, thought a little about what she had just got herself into, and then left as everyone else had.

Alex walked back to her car and had a sudden urge to call Olivia but opted to go to the office instead. She had mountains of paperwork to do anyway.

-Boring Paperwork-

Alex got into her car after about 3 hours at the office. She was proud of herself she managed to get most of her paperwork done. She needed to go see the detectives about her "sister" and her case. What really happened to her?

**-4-**

**New York Police Department**

**16th Precinct, Manhattan Special Victims Unit**

**Thursday, January 6****th****, 2005**

**6:01 p.m.**

Alex walked up the steps of the precinct, and took a deep breath. She had heard about victims before, why did she feel like this was going to be so hard?

Once she got up to the large room that smelt like brewing coffee, and kind of looked like a newspaper editing room she frantically looked for Olivia. She looked around and spotted her. "So, what's up with Mandy? This was Alex code for: Who, what, where, when, Why, and how. She wanted Olivia to give her the run-down of the case. She hadn't heard a thing since yesterday.

Olivia just looked at Alex for a while wondering what she should say. Finally Alex broke the silence "What? Tell me!" Elliot answered for Olivia "Oh nothing, I just don't think she was raped, Alex. I mean some things just don't add up. There's no evidence, honestly it seems like she just woke up one morning and took a shower then went into the kitchen and got a knife and tried to kill herself. The doctors say the wound looks self-inflicted. Maybe she just changed her mind last minute and called us. Then cried rape that way all medical expenses could be taken care of by the good taxpayers money. I mean it would help if she gave us something to work with. She won't talk to us, she keeps saying she doesn't remember."

Alex couldn't stand another second of Elliot no one cries rape. Olivia interrupted her thoughts "Listen Alex, I believe she was raped but she won't talk to us, you got to get something out of her, she spoke to you I mean at least that's a stat and a lot better than what me and El got."

Olivia kept looking at Elliot as if to say why the fuck did you do that? He knew Alex would be beyond pissed so then why did he do it? Alex doesn't spend every waking minute with Elliot. She doesn't understand that when Elliot says that a victim wasn't really raped he means that he doesn't want to believe she was raped…

Alex practically hadn't heard Olivia, she was too furious with Elliot. "Elliot tell me something, if one morning you woke up and decided to kill yourself, would you bother taking a shower? Another thing! How would you do it? BY STABING YOURSELF IN THE FUCKING STOMACH?! Huh? Is that about right? Jesus. I can't do your job too! You're the ones who investigate, find evidence, interview victims/suspects…" Olivia looked hurt at Alex's remark, she had just accused her of being a bad detective, and being a detective was her life. Elliot seemed to have caught on and said "Alex could you just find a way to compel her to talk?" Alex looked at Olivia and speaking more to her than Elliot she said, "No, you're probably right, she doesn't seem to want to talk to anyone who she doesn't know or have a "connection" to. And I guess if I told her we were sisters maybe she'll open up."

Alex felt bad, she didn't want to hurt Olivia but she was frustrated that her sister's rapist had not yet been identified. "They're letting her leave tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. we'll go pick her up." She heard Elliot say while her and Olivia were still glaring at each other.

lol I just have to say I love how Olivia is Alex's #1 speed dial. :D comment


	2. Olivia's Distress

**Disclaimer**: Even though it would be amazing, I do not own anything, not the characters, not the story… I'm not profiting from this.

PG for language.

READ+REVIEW!!!! And enjoy…

* * *

Please don't let her be mad! Alex's mouth had gotten her into trouble before but never had she upset Olivia so much for her to not speak to her. Awkward silence pushed Alex to leave the precinct and head home.

Yet Alex's mind somehow always trailed off to the detective.

Alex was sorry, extremely. She would do anything to take it back, but it seemed the only thing she could do was wait for tomorrow.

Alex woke up on her couch with the TV blaring. It was 6:00a.m. She always woke up at six and decided she had to be at the precinct at 9:00 anyway. Alex set her coffee machine and went to take a shower. 15 minutes later she emerged out of her bathroom and headed to her bedroom to change, when the door buzzer rang. Surprised she walked to the door and pushed the intercom button "Who is it?" "It's me, Olivia." Olivia had been informed that Alex had a strict schedule so she was always up by six no exception. Alex was surprised; she didn't know what to say. So just she pushed the unlock button. All she knew was in a matter of minutes Olivia would be upstairs, possibly in her apartment. Alex didn't even have enough time to change… Alex looked around her apartment, it was clean enough.

~A knock on the door broke her thoughts~

Alex turned to open the door. And once she did she noticed a few things. 1~Olivia looked like she hadn't slept at all since yesterday. 2~She looked kind of tipsy. And 3~She looked like she had been crying.

Alex's heart fell to her stomach. Could what she did or thought really affect her that much? Olivia opened her mouth to speak but nothing seemed to come out as if she was looking for the right words. "You…know…when I was…younger…" There was no doubt about it she was drunk. "Olivia, how much did you drink?" Alex asked. Olivia laughed, "Pshh… Like you care about me…"

Alex ushered Olivia into her living room and told her to sit on the couch. Alex practically ran to her bedroom, put on the fist articles of clothing she could find and then went to the kitchen to get Olivia a cup of coffee.

Alex returned into the living room with two mugs and handed one to Olivia.

"Alex, I'm good at my job… and don't ever try and tell me otherwise." Olivia let out. Alex looked at the detective, placed her mug on the coffee table and took Olivia's hand. With Olivia's one hand sandwiched between Alex's two hands Alex said, "You're the best, and I'm sorry you took me so seriously, I don't know what to say, it's scary. I just met this woman, and everyone is expecting me to be the family she doesn't have and I don't think I want to do that. It's a lot of pressure on my part and right now the only thing I feel I owe her is to put that bastard who did this in jail and I feel that for every victim. I felt overwhelmed." Alex held back tears and continued, "I was upset that we were going nowhere on the case, and then Elliot was accusing her of lying. I snapped, it was the last straw, you know? But that in no way reflects upon you, it reflects who I am and I'm sorry and I don't blame anyone for this except myself." Olivia didn't expect Alex to open up like this; she was usually more closed and private. She normally works out her own problems. Why was she suddenly so open? Olivia hadn't anticipated she would have gotten such a thought out answer. She didn't really know what to say to that. Maybe Alex wasn't as cold hearted as she let on. Maybe under all that prosecutor skin there was a person, and maybe if she was lucky, maybe even a heart.

Olivia rose from her seat breaking contact from Alex. Olivia seemed to have gotten up a bit too quickly because all she said was "BATHROOM" Before Alex pointed at the hall to show her the way. Olivia ran like a shot all the way there. The coffee on top of all that liquor she had been drinking all night seemed to have upset her stomach. Alex had little to no hope that Olivia would remember anything she had just told her.

Alex still sitting on the couch wondered if she should follow Olivia or not. Alex rubbed her forehead, let out a yawn and walked to the bathroom to see if Olivia needed some help.

Once she got to the locked bathroom door, she could distinctly hear a muffled version of someone throwing up. Alex rolled her eyes, knocked on the door and at the same time said, "Olivia, do you need some help?"-No answer, well it's not like Alex expected one. Although she did need to be polite. Alex turned to her linen closet and grabbed some towels and left them outside the bathroom door for Olivia. Alex still needed to be at the precinct at about 9:30 to talk to Mandy. So she went to her room to change.

Alex had changed her outfit about six times and when she finally got out of her room Olivia was nowhere to be found. The bathroom was clean; it was as if Alex had dreamt the whole thing. But when Alex saw the two discarded mugs on the coffee table she knew she wasn't going insane. As Alex cleaned up the dishes she glanced up at the clock 7:49. She had so much time before she had to leave.

Alex paced her kitchen for a few moments then heard a phone ringing in her living room, it couldn't be her home phone there was one in the kitchen; her cell was in her pocket so that wasn't ringing. Alex walked quickly to the living room, and spotted Olivia's cell on her couch. She walked toward the ringing and picked up the phone, -Elliot- "Elliot?' Alex answered. "Alex, I'm sorry I thought I called Liv." "You did, she just left her phone here." "What do you mean?" Alex sat down on her couch contemplating whether or not she should tell him what Olivia had done. Alex sat in silence for a while until Elliot said her name, "Alex?"

Alex didn't know how to explain this on the phone so she told Elliot to meet her at the café down the street of the precinct. Elliot reluctantly agreed.

**-5-**

**Little Café Down the Street**

**Friday, January 7****th****, 2005**

**8:00 a.m.**

"Alex, what the hell is going on?" Alex heard Elliot say from a distance. Alex looked up from her seat in the café and saw Elliot walking toward her and finally sat in front of her. Alex sighed, and told Elliot about her little encounter with Olivia that morning. Elliot just murmured a little. "Fuck… What the fuck? Alex just sat there and stirred her second coffee of the day with her spoon and wouldn't dare look up at Elliot. She was ashamed of what she had done, and she was worried about what he would think. Elliot tried to get eye contact with Alex but she wouldn't give in. Alex stirred in her chair, she had no idea where Olivia had gone, and neither did Elliot. Alex knew Elliot was thinking the exact same thing.

* * *

**This chapter is a little more serious than the one before…**


	3. Mandy's True Colors

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own them.If I was filthy rich I think I'd buy them though. That's got to count for something! lol This chapter is a lot more serious… BTW italics is Mandy's mother's journal entry.

R+R!!! AND ENJOY!! :D

**-6-**

**New York Police Department**

**16th Precinct, Manhattan Special Victims Unit**

**Friday, January 7th, 2005**

**9:28 a.m.**

Alex twiddled her thumbs as she sat nervously in the interrogation room waiting for Elliot to get back with Mandy. Alex got up and started pacing the room, she had never been so nervous to talk to someone before in her life.

Finally the door opened and a petite brunette walked in and sat in one of the two chairs. Alex cleared her throat and sat down in the other chair facing the younger woman. Alex tried her best to get comfortable, but this would never feel comfortable, or be comfortable. Finding out you have a sister, proving the fact that your father was a cheat and a liar would never go easy with Alex. Although Alex did need to keep in mind that that wasn't Mandy's fault, but it would forever be hard. Mandy was the one who finally broke the silent tension between them. "So what did you want to talk about?" "Mandy…" Alex started, god that felt weird. "I thought we made a deal that you would talk to the detectives, tell them what you know so they can find who did this to you." "I did." Mandy lied. "Look Mandy, the detectives and I are friends, and they wouldn't have asked me to do this if they didn't have a reason. I know you haven't told them anything and I understand it's hard to relive what you've been through but it's probably the only way we'll ever catch…" Alex was interrupted when Elliot opened the door of the interrogation room. He looked down at Alex and motioned for her to go with him. Alex looked up at him inquisitively but complied and told Mandy she would return. Alex followed Elliot into the observation room. Once the door closed behind them all she could hear was someone yelling something about a journal, a mother, and someone being a complete liar.

Elliot motioned Alex to go sit in the seat at his desk. When she looked around the room she saw Don, and all the detectives including Olivia all standing around her. Alex didn't understand what was going on. She tried to look at Olivia without seeming too obvious; she noticed she had changed clothes. Olivia stood there with a frown on her face, and her arms crossed. Finally Olivia moved and grabbed a book off of her desk and plopped it in front of Alex. "Open it." Elliot said to Alex. Alex picked up what seemed to be a journal and started flipping pages, she looked around the book and finally found a name. Margaret Manning. Her father's secretary up until he died. She remembered because it was her decision to terminate her services. Once her father had died his law firm went to his children, including her. The first thing they did was hire a new secretary.

Olivia would not say a word, it seemed Elliot needed to speak for her, and this only happened on RARE occasions. Olivia could normally always speak for herself. "Look at the last page" Elliot instructed. Alex flipped the back cover open…

_Today was torturous; Daniel seems to be upset that I don't want his daughter babysitting Mandy. Alexandra is a beautiful and wonderful girl but it doesn't seem right to do that to her again, even if she doesn't know. If I could, I think I would go back and take away this entire affair it isn't fair to Daniel's wife and children, to Mandy, and to me. I will never know what it's like to go sleep next to the man I love, Mandy will never know what it's like to have a father in the house, to tuck her in at night and dry her tears. No one is here to pick me up when I fall, no one is here to light the darkness. Yet I've made my choices, some good, and some bad. I've made my bed and now I have to lay in it. I just hope I will have the strength to make Mandy a better person than I turned out to be…_

"Her last entry… Alex, Mandy knows all about you, she knew your name, and she knew you had met her before. All she would have had to do is Google your name, find out where you work, read a little about our system and that's what she probably did. Alex I… I don't want to upset you but I don't think she was raped, and now we have proof…" "I'm not upset, Elliot. I'm sorry, to all of you, I'm sorry I wasted all your time." Alex felt tears on the rim of her eyes but tried her best to hold them back and continued. "Wow, I'm related to some crazy people." Alex turned away and walked back into the interrogation room, and took a deep breath before she entered.

"I'm sorry, Mandy my mother called… She just won't shut up sometimes you know? So where were we? Alex said with a fake smile. Mandy seemed surprised to Alex's sudden lift in mood. She just murmured "The case". Well obviously Alex thought, what else could she possible want with this woman. But when she spoke she didn't allow any annoyance in her voice. "Right! That's right we were." Finally Alex sat down in front of the brunette. Mandy looked around the little room they were in. She looked so uncomfortable. "Mandy, what happened to you?" Alex heard herself say. Mandy tried her best to hold back tears, Alex was wondering if Mandy was just an amazing actress or could she feel some guilt? "I was raped! Why can't you just let it go?" Mandy bellowed. "Mandy, when you're raped you don't just let it go, you need to pick up the pieces and fight like hell to get back to where you were." Alex said. "What if I don't want to be back where I was, and who made you the expert anyway?" Mandy replied. "I know because I've seen so many woman walk into that door, just outside and not take the opportunity given to them. Those women don't understand that once you close that door, it's 99% sure that the door will never open again. I understand you can barely remember things now, but imagine two years from now when you realise what a mistake you've made and want to re-open the case, but by then the evidence is gone, your memory of what happened is slim…" Alex pushed. "That won't happen to me." Mandy argued. "But how can you be sure?" Alex demanded. "BECAUSE I WASN'T RAPED, it never happened." Mandy screamed. Her red infuriated face looked as if it was about to burst. Alex knew pushing her buttons would work, after all she was a lawyer. Alex looked straight into the girls eyes and said "What did I ever do to you? My father… Our father might have been a liar, and a cheat to what seems to be both of our mothers but that gives you no right to disrupt the little memories I have of him. On top of all that you filed a false police report, that's a felony! But I want to know why." "You have it all, and I have nothing. I just wanted to see what it would be like to have a relative like that. I knew you would never associate with me under normal circumstances." Mandy tried to justify what she had done but Alex just felt disgusted. "Another thing! Where the fuck did that baseball cap come from?" Alex demanded remembering what Olivia had said about the case "So this is what we've got, a baseball cap, lots of blood, a steak knife, and a live victim.". "It was dad's" Mandy replied. Alex felt a shiver run down her spine hearing this girl call her father dad did not feel right at all. It made her sick to her stomach. But then Alex realised what she had just said and that made her stomach turn even more. "I needed to find a way to meet you, get close to you. I found out you work with SVU so I faked it all. I woke up one morning took a shower, got a knife, dad's cap and threw it on the floor. Took the knife dragged it across my exposed skin until it started to bleed then waited a while, about 10 minutes, the longest 10 minutes of my life then called the police…" Mandy explained. Alex couldn't listen anymore, she knew Mandy wasn't finished, but she couldn't listen to one more word. Alex got up and glared at the woman in the face and said. "Get yourself a lawyer, cause I sure as hell ain't representing you." And left the room.

Once she opened the door she saw all the detectives huddled in the observation room. Olivia got up off the chair and was walking toward Alex but to her surprise didn't even acknowledge she was standing in the doorway. Olivia just passed by her and walked into the interrogation room and read Mandy her Miranda rights and cuffed her. Alex thought it was a bit much, the cell was less than 50 feet away but I guess they could never be too careful.

Elliot looked at Alex and said "I'm sorry I was sort of right…" Alex just gave him understanding look and nodded. "So am I." she managed to say just as Olivia walked passed her with Mandy cuffed in front of her. All Alex could do was stare blankly at Olivia walking away guiding Mandy to her new home. The cell.


	4. Olivia's Request

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own them, maybe I should ask Santa next year!!! This is a very short post but I couldn't bring myself to continue, mostly because WORD was being an asshole otherwise I would have continued. Anyways, I just wanted to say that this is here mostly because of my three bestest friends in the whole world!! HAILEY, MIRANDA and SHANNON!!! I just have to say thank you to them cause they listen to my crazy babblings about "OOHH, when should they hook up?" and "What do you think Alex would drink if she were to get wasted???" And all the other crazy shit running around in my brain. Thank you guys and I'm sorry but I gotta make it perfect for Alex and Olivia. 3 R+R if you want more!!!

**-7-**

**ADA Cabot Residence**

**Apt. #10**

**Friday, January 7****th****, 2005**

**8:59 p.m.**

Alex lay on her couch, watching some late night re-runs of Judge Judy. Not really paying attention, she decided to close the TV. She sat in silence for a long time; she looked around her apartment and wondered how she was going to get Mandy to stay in jail for the longest time possible. She knew that whatever lawyer she got, they would automatically play the insanity card. Alex had her work cut out for her because Mandy really did seem crazy. Anyone could see that.

Alex couldn't put off thinking about it any longer, Olivia was still angry with her. She couldn't, not for one more second dance around the fact that Olivia was pissed. Alex put her hands on her stomach, wove them together and started twiddling her thumbs. She honestly cared more about the beautiful brunette… Olivia Benson. Than whether or not Mandy got what she deserved. Alex sat up, she just remembered that she still had Olivia's phone.

And God help her she still had to go out with Trevor on Monday. She couldn't cancel now; he would forever feel entitled to a date. She was fucked.

At least she had the weekend to fix her problem with Olivia, work a flawless case against Mandy, and find an outfit for her "date" that said: I don't really like you so let's just get this over with.

Alex let out a yawn and decided to finally call it a day; after all, it had been a long day.

She got up and walked to her room. Once she was there she opened the door, walked inside and got into her covers. The darkness filled her and made her eyes heavy with sleep deprivation.

After about eight and a half hours of sleep Alex awoke to the sound of a beeping noise. Alex rolled around in bed and turned so she was facing her alarm clock, reached over and tapped the snooze button. The buzzing stopped but a few seconds later it started again. Alex sat up in her bed and looked around her room. What could it be? It obviously wasn't the alarm clock. Alex turned to her desk on her left side and saw her laptop on it. When she remembered that she forgot to shut it off.

Alex got out of bed wearing nothing but her extra large NYPD t-shirt and walked over to her desk and touched the laptop's touch pad. Life came back into the computer, her backdrop, a picture of her and the detectives of SVU after they had cracked a disturbing case.

It was sad; when she thought about her life it mainly consisted of work even when she was at home. It was the only thing that mattered, and that made her in a way proud yet in a way very disappointed in herself.

Alex sat down in her chair and evaluated what could possibly be making that noise. Internet connection? No. Itunes? No. That stupid program she had just installed? No. Battery? No. EMAIL!!! One new email. That's right she had activated that alert so when she receives new mail it would beep and advise her that she had a new message.

Alex clicked on the alert message and it brought her straight to her inbox. Alex's heart dropped to her stomach filling it with butterflies.

One new message from: Olivia Benson

January 7th, 2005

Hello Alex,

I just wanted to ask you if you could bring me my phone before ten this morning, if not then I guess I'll come by around noon to pick it up. Thank You.

Olivia Benson


	5. More About Alex

**Disclaimer:** Alex and Olivia, PLEASE be mine, I know I don't own you or anything but it would be wonderful if you gifted yourselves to me. And if I did own them I doubt I would be spending my time writing about them… (; lol! This chapter is to help you get to know Alex better, so don't worry the good parts are coming!

Short, and to the point. She had two and a half hours to get ready. Or would she just wait for Olivia to come to her? At first Alex thought that that was a good idea, she would feel more comfortable in her apartment. But then again the suspense was killing her. Alex got up and walked toward her bathroom and started her shower.

Alex undressed the few clothes she had on and stepped into the warm shower. Alex grabbed the soap but it slipped out of her hand. When Alex squatted to pick it up she felt the gravity pulling her down.

Alex sat down in the shower, the tap water and tears streaming down her face. What am I doing? Alex thought to herself. Olivia doesn't really want to see me, she just wants her fucking phone back. Then why am I so eager to see her? Alex thought some more, brought her hands up to her face and wept a little longer.

She had finally let out the pain she felt. She was finally acknowledging the fact that she royally fucked up. Even though she felt like shit, crying seemed to make things feel better.

After what seemed like forever she got up off the shower floor and started to wash herself. First her body then her hair, she even managed to shave her legs.

Remembering that she had to meet Olivia at ten she got out of the shower and started towel drying her hair. After she had finished drying herself off she stood naked in front of the bathroom mirror. She took out her make-up and applied some eyeliner and some mascara like she did everyday. Then she went to change in her bedroom.

What to wear? Looking into her closet there were her work suits all lined up then a few nice tops and her favourite pairs of jeans. The rest of her clothes were in drawers and her dresses were in the spare bedroom.

Alex took out a pair of jeans that would soon cling to her perfect legs in all the right places. She also got out a light purple top that was very low cut. Alex walked to her nightstand where her underwear was put away and she took out black lace panties and the matching bra.

With everything laid out on her bed she started getting dressed. Once she finished she went back into the bathroom.

Alex plugged in her hair iron and brushed her teeth. Alex stared at her reflection in the mirror. She was good looking and she knew it. Her blonde hair complemented her sea blue eyes, her features pronounced but not too much, her glasses that she had just put on framed and completed her face.

Alex turned and grabbed her hair iron. She just needed to fix a few flips, her hair looked fine it was just a bit wavy.

When Alex finished she left the bathroom and went back into her bedroom. Once she got back in there she looked at herself in the full-length mirror, got Olivia's phone from her couch in the living room and picked a pair of black low-cut converse shoes.

Every time she wore those shoes she got funny looks from people she knew. Converse Shoes? They just normally saw Alex in her signature black stilettos because she would never go to work in running shoes. But outside of work there was something most people didn't know about her, she enjoys being comfortable. Besides who was anyone to judge, she looked kick ass in them anyway.

Alex looked at herself one last time before she left, put the finishing touches on her make-up and got her winter jacket which had a ring of keys in the pocket. The house, car and office keys.

Alex looked down at her wristwatch, 9:30. More than enough time to get to Olivia's apartment.

Alex locked the door, went down the elevator and went out the front door. Alex looked around until she started walking to the apartments' reserved parking. Once she got there she went straight to parking space 10 the one that was reserved for her room.

Alex started her car, and turned the heat on its highest setting. It was freezing! Alex went into her coat pockets and found her gloves. Alex put her gloves on, rubbed her hands together and put the car in reverse.

Alex left the parking lot, it would take her exactly 7 minutes and 45 seconds to get to Olivia's house give or take a few seconds of coarse. She had timed herself, timed how long it would take her to be in the brunette's presence once again. Alex laughed a little to herself in the car for being so stupid. If only Olivia knew…

Alex found herself thinking those exact words so many times. Those four words tore her heart apart yet put it back together all at the same time. Those words gave her hope, but made her feel despair. Those simple words made her confused and made her feel alone.

Before she knew it Alex was in front of Olivia's apartment, Alex hadn't really been paying attention to the road yet her mind, or maybe her heart got her there. She was attracted to the brown-eyed woman's home, like a paperclip to a magnet.

Alex parked her car, but sat in it for a few more minutes. Alex looked at the clock, 9:44. She was really early! She couldn't just show up 20 minutes early, she would look too eager…

Alex didn't understand what was going on. She didn't care what people thought of her. So why was she making such a fuss about fucking knocking Olivia's door and giving her her phone? Alex let out a sigh and stepped out of the car, Alex clicked the button on her car starter and it locked the door. Alex looked from side to side and saw that there were no cars coming so she crossed the street.

Olivia's apartment was right next to a coffee shop, this was probably done purposely so Olivia wouldn't have to waist her time making it. Since Olivia did have to leave her home at all hours to go to work, and she had to be there within minutes. She didn't have time to diddle dawdle.

Alex walked into the coffee shop and got in line. Alex looked around the coffee shop and saw Olivia in the front of the line paying for two coffees. Alex smiled to herself, Olivia had had the exact same thought she had. Alex slipped out of the line and went to the bathroom in back of the coffee shop. Alex closed herself into a stall and prayed that Olivia had not seen her.

Alex looked around the tiny stall and felt grossed out; this place probably made great coffee but the bathroom needed some major renovations. Alex was not going to spend any more time than she had to in this place, but Alex at least wanted to make sure that Olivia would be gone before she got out.

Alex made sure not to touch anything on her way out, she wasn't a neat freak or a germaphobe but she did know a thing or two about hygiene!

Alex sneaked out, she probably looked like a teenager coming out of the high school bathroom with a smile on her face because she thought it would be funny to clog the soap dispenser with ketchup. Even though she had a smile on her face she looked like a criminal fleeing the scene.

Alex confidently left the coffee shop; she had killed all the time she needed to. Alex ringed Olivia's buzzer and Olivia answered moments later. "Who is it?" "It's me, Alex."

Alex stood there for max another 10 seconds before she heard the annoying buzzing indicating she was being let in. Alex opened the front door and went inside, the heat inside was a good contrast from the cold outside. Alex had been there before; she knew where she was going. To the right, the elevator, to the left the landlord's apartment… Olivia was just one floor up.

Alex got into the 6x5 foot elevator, that she hated. It was crammed and small, nothing like the one in her apartment. Maybe it had something to do with Olivia's apartment being a low-rise apartment and hers being a high-rise apartment. The fact of the matter is, that Alex hates stairs; she's not lazy, just stairs are so inconvenient when elevators are around and besides she didn't want to knock on Olivia's door and be all sweaty and gross.

When Alex needs to be somewhere she needs to be there right away not three hours later.

-DING-

The door of the elevator creaked open and Alex quickly got out. Alex walked down the hall of the building and came to a stop at number 13. Alex knocked on Olivia's door and waited. Alex distinctly heard "Coming!" from the other side of the door. Alex brushed of her clothes one last time and fixed herself a bit and waited biting her lip.


	6. Over Coffee

**Disclaimer: **Not mine!!! STILL!! OMFG!! I'm sorry this took so long, and I'm sorry it's so short. But last week I got supper sick and I had a fever and bla bla bla… Then I got better for ONE day and in that one precious day I had to do three tests… I probably bombed them ALL. Then I get sick again… UHHHGGG it's so ass and I'm over being sick… Anyways RXR and enjoy chapter six :D.

It didn't take long for Olivia to open the door but when she did Alex was greeted with a simple "…Hey…"

Alex seemed to have been caught off guard, it's funny she was expecting this to happen yet she stood there not knowing what to say. Alex unconsciously reached into her pocket and took out a black Razr cell phone and handed it to Olivia.

"Alex, would you mind coming in for a second I wanted to talk to you?" Olivia said while taking the phone from Alex.

Alex nodded, not really knowing what she was doing and walked inside. Alex stood inside Olivia's apartment with her hands in her pockets looking at the room that she had committed to memory. When Olivia turned around she motioned for Alex to sit on the couch. Alex did what Olivia told her to do; she was like her puppet, surrendering to her every move. Alex sat down on the white couch in the in the welcoming room, she looked like an Eskimo sitting in the snow. Her coat all bundled around her face. Alex could feel the sweat forming around her temples. Alex was fidgeting in her seat, Olivia seems to be able to read peoples mind, if not all people then defiantly Alex's mind because she then asked Alex for her jacket.

Alex, looking back on it should have kept it on. But she was Olivia's puppet and so she gave it to her. Olivia took the coat and walked back to the front entrance where the closet was. Alex's mind was racing, she got up, she could not sit still, and she needed to stand. Once Olivia got back to the couch Alex had been looking at a picture of her and Olivia on Olivia's wall. The same one she had on her laptop. This was weird, their relationship had never been much more than work, sure Alex had come over for hours and left late at night but that also was strictly work. That picture surprised her mostly because it gave her a ray of hope, that she didn't want if those feelings were not retuned. More than that she couldn't believe she'd never noticed it before.

"Alex…?" Olivia caught her off guard. How long had she been staring at the picture? How long had Olivia been staring at her?

"So, what did you want Olivia, you invited me in for a reason?" Alex turned to look at Olivia with her hands on her hips.

Olivia looked surprised, like she just fell on her face. Nothing could have prepared her for that. Olivia is usually cocky but so is Alex. Put them together you better take cover because you don't know what's going to happen. Olivia couldn't help but smile… That was her Alex, except she wasn't hers and at this rate she never would be.

Olivia turned and said, "I'll be right back."

Alex was again left alone to look up at the picture of the two of them. They were holding on to each other a little more closely than usual, they were both at least a little drunk. That was a good day. Alex wished desperately that she could go back to that night with Olivia's strong arms around her. For that second that the picture was being taken she didn't care what she looked like and she didn't care what anyone thought. She was being held by the woman she loved.

Alex looked away from the photo, she refused to be caught gawking at it, AGAIN. Olivia returned soon after, actually she stopped looking at the picture just in time. Olivia had two cups of coffee. Nothing fancy no f_rappuccinos, no mochaccinos, nothing just regular coffee. Oh but it was good. Probably the best coffee she'd had in a while._

_Olivia could tell too with the way Alex's face lit up when the hot liquid had barely touched her lips. Olivia laughed. "That good, huh?"_

_Alex in turn laughed as well. It wasn't a full-hearted laugh though, more like an awkward chuckle._

_Alex looked down at the Styrofoam cup and picked at it a little. Was Olivia ever going to say something? Olivia was the one that wanted something, why was she making her just wait here? Did she just love to see her like this? In agony? Because that's what it was. It was eating at her from the inside out. Her life and her expectations she had, now that she looked around they seemed to be useless and irrelevant._

_She just wanted Olivia to say something; the silence was not good for her. It made her analyse things a little too closely…_

_As if reading her mind Olivia put down the cup on her coffee table and said, "Alex, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have come to your home and disturbed you it was unprofessional of me and it'll never happen again. I was just so upset of what you thought of me it's just that your opinion matters and I don't have family so my friends are my family. When I thought that I didn't even have the acceptance of my friend I kind of snapped, I'm not usually like that, you know me. And I'm just profoundly sorry."_

_Alex wasn't angry; she could never stay angry with the brunette. Besides she was madder at herself for saying something stupid like that. How could she not know that Olivia would take it the wrong way?_


	7. Let's Write Some Notes

**Disclaimer: **GASP! FLOPS ON FLOOR AND DIES… Alex is back TOMORROW!!!!!!! And I don't own her btw or any of L&O:SVU for that matter… One thing pertaining to my story is, a lot of people have been asking how Alex's DNA was in the system; I just figured in her line of work it would be standard procedure to have that on file. If I was incorrect, I apologize. I'm also sorry it took so long for this to get on here but my dad got hospitalised and yeah… enough about me… RXR Please and Thank You… **MARCH 10****TH****, 2009 10:00PM**-ALEX IS BACK… Trails off in little snickers…

Alex was usually very thoughtful, how could she overlook something like that? Usually she would never put herself in that type of situation. Alex is very though, but having friends made her the softest most wonderful person. Alex knows what friendship means to her and usually she would never betray that. Why had she this time? That's a very good question… She probably will never know the answer, no one will.

Olivia apologizing like that made Alex feel guilty, what Olivia had done was completely understandable. Even if it was a bit surprising.

"Liv, please don't apologize you don't need to; I do. I'm the one who should be begging for forgiveness, not you. I'm the one who was an asshole." Alex said

"Alex, you already apologized for that, it's only fair that I also apologize for harassing you in your home." Olivia replied.

Oh My God! Why was this so formal?! Alex was sure Olivia was angry, so why didn't she yell? Damn it! Why was she being so damn passive? Have some passion! Why was she acting like a robot with no emotions?! That was not the Olivia she knew…

"Fair? Liv this isn't a tit for a tat ok? If this is going to be fair like you said then you'll take back your apology because you don't have to be sorry for anything. If I were put in that same situation by someone I thought was my friend there's no way of knowing how I would have reacted. And honestly I would have been pretty pissed. So Liv don't try and make me seem so innocent, ok? Treat me how I acted, like a fucking BITCH! Because that's what I was, and I'M the one who's sorry."

It seems that there aren't even words to describe what happened that day. Anger boiled up inside Alex. Well say something, don't just stand there…

Olivia, looked into Alex's eyes, smiled a little and replied, "You know I expected exactly that from you…" Olivia walked a little closer to Alex. Their faces maybe a foot away from each other. Olivia looked down at Alex but before she could do anything Alex was already up and charging towards the front entrance to get her coat.

Olivia stood there with a confused look on her face, what had just happened? It's funny that Alex was asking herself the same exact question. The only difference was Olivia was still standing in her living room when Alex was pushing the down button in the elevator.

**-8-**

**ADA Cabot Residence**

**Apt. #10**

**Saturday, January 8****th****, 2005**

**12:37 pm **

Alex managed to get herself back home. It had been quite a challenge, trying to keep her mind focused on the road. She sat on her sofa with her coat still on; she just sat there …

What had just happened?

Should she have stayed?

What would their next encounter be like?

…

Many questions flowed in and out of Alex's mind all at once, it made it very difficult to answer any of the questions at all.

All she knew was that being alone in Olivia's presence made it hard for her to keep a grasp on reality.

Olivia _was _leaning in to kiss her it was so obvious. It was painful how obvious. Thinking back on it Alex was now kicking herself in the ass…

Two o-clock the weekend was already half over. She needed to get a start on the Mandy case; at least she could try to get Olivia out of her mind.

She finally got up and walked to her home office and got her briefcase, then brought it back to the living room. She had decided that the coffee table would be her work area of choice for the day.

Alex knew that she wouldn't be able to try the case but she was going to make damn sure that her notes on the case would be flawless there was NO room for error. She was going to nail the BITCH to the fucking wall, even if it wasn't directly. Mandy was going to pay…

Alex finally took her coat off, sunk deep into her couch and closed her eyes for a moment. Then went for the remote next to her. She turned the TV on the news station; 24 hours a day 7 days a week- always news. She prayed that a story she was interested in wouldn't come on; she really wanted to complete her notes on the case.

~The Case~

Alex took out a brand new pad of paper of a 100 pages and wrote Prosecution- Mandy Manning on the top.

Alex went to her briefcase and pulled out Margaret's journal. She knew that at some point in the trial the lawyer would have to look back on it.

They were going to court mainly because they were disputing if Mandy knew what she was doing. Mandy pleaded not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect. She needs to PROVE that she was competent and knew what she was doing…

The case depended on the journal. Alex had to mark pages, quote the journal…

That was Alex, ALWAYS going above and beyond her job description. She didn't hypothetically have to do this… Yet here she was…

Alex opened the journal; she had read it all before. So she now knew approximately where the important things were.

She flipped through the pages and put marks on pages: 7, 30 and page 100 (the last page).

Alex looked down at the notepad and over the coarse of the next hour and a half five pages seemed to have wrote themselves.

Prosecution- Mandy Manning

Mandy reported rape

Confessed to lying about rape

Would not sign confession

PLANED EVERYTHING

Premeditation

Most mental disease/defect make you act on impulse yet again PREMEDITATION

Has saved files about ADA Alexandra Cabot

Subscribed to a 411 website to find ADA Alexandra Cabot

Defence is arguing that her childhood (not having a father, having a drunk mother, and added to that her recent mother's passing) all led her to her breaking point.

*Page 7 in the journal- Confesses to prolonged alcohol abuse. **Alcohol is the only thing that relieves me anymore. I wish they were dead; all of them, damn mini Cabot's running around, they have robbed Mandy of a childhood. Especially that Alexandra, that snooty…**

PROVES that Mandy was trying to avenge the Cabot's for her mother, help her… Even though her mother, later in the journal apologizes and took back what she said (page 30).

Most children who have alcoholic parents, the child takes the role of the parent and in turn the parents turn into the child.

She was also cheated of a father- she was pissed…

Once Alex finished, she re-read her notes, she took the pad and threw it across the room. Well, That was ALL SHIT!!!

Anger- that's what she felt at the moment. Pure rage. She noticed that more that half of what she had written was either useless of inadmissible…

Maybe this was too close to her, maybe this is why she would never be allowed to prosecute the case because she was – is the victim.

She was being sought out by this idiot who made too many mistakes she couldn't even count. But the most crucial of mistakes was pissing Alex off.

Alex would leave the prosecuting to someone else… At least for this case.

Maybe she could get Donnelly to do it…

She would eat Trevor for breakfast then spit him out in front of the jury. Everyone will have a laugh at his expense… Hopefully that won't harm his ego too much…


	8. Spring Cleaning In January

**Disclaimer:** Very SHORT… I'm trying really hard to get the story moving along back to where it started… I'm sorry it's taking so long… Anyways I don't OWN ANYTHING!!!!! I really wish I did… That'd be AWESOME… Alex is back and she's doing awesome, I just had to say tht… anyways REVIEW… XD…

Alex paced her apartment; not having work to do made her nervous, it made her confront her failing social life. What was she supposed to do? All her cases are now on hold since she will be called as a witness; at the moment she felt as useless as her welcome mat in her front entrance; it hasn't been welcoming many people lately…

In the few hours of solitude Alex found comfort in cleaning. She found that being meticulous and neat in her home would compensate for her life being in total disarray.

In all this time she managed to clean the kitchen, the living room, her bedroom and do some laundry. She looked around her apartment, two rooms left: the bathroom, which she would leave for the cleaning lady, and her office, which she was dreading the most.

She left her office to clean last because; to be honest she didn't really want to see anything that reminded her of Olivia…

As she walked the never-ending corridor she finally got to a door. A big white door, which she pushed open. Opening the door revealed stacks of papers, coffee cups, the trash bin overflowing, things falling over… Her office basically looked like a tornado had hit the area. She would spend hours in her office late at night reading her notes and writing some more, all to put every bastard that walked through that courtroom in jail.

Alex even had to move the coffee machine in there. When she was home here she was or crashed on the couch and occasionally in her bed. The trashcan was overflowing with crumpled up papers and Styrofoam cups. At least she didn't have to wash all those dishes; at the rate she went through coffee she would need an in house maid especially for that.

Alex brought the giant industrial size garbage bag and attempted to empty the trash into the bag. With much difficulty she managed to get most of the trash in the bag without making a mess on her rug, which she would have to vacuum anyway. Alex hung the bag on the doorknob in case she found some surprise piles of garbage around the room…

This was the only room that had pictures up on the walls, mementos on the shelves, this was the only room she had put emotions into. She had a picture of time square, pictures of the SVU squad, a map of New York and a framed NYPD issued poster which she was quite proud of since Don presented it to her after she won her first case as their ADA. To her it represented the fact that she was considered as part of the group… The detectives put on their badges every morning and remember that they are part of something bigger. Alex feels that connection when she looks up at that poster… She hung some of her diploma's (the less important one's) the one's that were important were in her office at work so she could show off. On her shelves she had various law books, a life-like mini Mr. Softee truck, and a Statue of Liberty figurine.

Other than the few things she had in this tiny room the rest of her life was boxed up in the basement closet. Which she also rented so it could shelter her past for the moment, until she got the courage and strength to confront it.

Alex's past was not one of horror or terror. She did not have an evil stepmother that bitched about everything. Her siblings did not annoy the crap out of her. She had a mother and a father who lived in the same home yet did not sleep in the same bed. And to this day what bothered her the most about her childhood was that her parents pretended that everything was okay. When in reality everything was falling apart. That's why Alex dreads the day when she will force herself to finally unpack those love-deprived boxes from her childhood.

The marriage was more about convenience than love. That's what frightened Alex the most; to one day be trapped in a relationship filled with anger, betrayal, hate, compromise, convenience… And ultimately a relationship without love…


	9. Luigi's

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything; I'm just having fun with this… BTW any italics is Italian writing… I suggest google translate if you don't understand… MINI CHAP… REVIEW!!! XD

**-9-**

**ADA Cabot Residence**

**Apt. #10**

**Sunday, January 9****th****, 2005**

**7:30 pm**

Alex looked around her apartment with a sense of satisfaction. She had cleaned! For the first time in years, Alex had taken the initial to clean her home, less the bathroom. She didn't know why but she seemed at peace, content with herself and her environment for the first time in years. Did it have something to do with the cleanliness that she had achieved in her home? Or perhaps was it something more? Like for the first time in years she didn't need to worry about this case and that case… The bastard that raped and molested his niece or the pervert that mutilated a woman in broad daylight or the woman that sold her child for crack money… The list went on she had thousands of people that shouldn't even be allowed to live in a cell, let alone live at all…

Well there was no point getting all worked up about it even if that was what she liked best. She was best at getting upset for something good to use her anger and disapproval to better the world. Alex pushed any thoughts of work out of her mind; thinking about it would only get her upset.

Alex felt like she could do anything, like she could conquer the world. With the feelings of her newfound enlightenment she did something she still didn't understand.

She called Olivia.

The ringing in her ear coming from the telephone made her heart rate rise unbelievably high. One ring then two, Alex had to talk herself through the whole thing. She wanted to hang up every millisecond that passed. Alex was acting weird; the normal confident Alex Cabot would have let Olivia plant one on her. Actually, if she were acting like herself she would have taken matters into her own hands and kissed Olivia herself… But she wasn't acting like herself; who was this person? This person was afraid and self-conscious about calling someone; someone that she had called hundreds of times before. Was this perhaps a person in love? To be blunt, Alex thought to herself, if this is how love feels then she didn't want any part of it. Alex felt like a horny twelve-year-old boy who got sweaty hands talking to his crush.

"Hello?" Olivia finally answered after what seemed like an eternity.

Another "Hello?"

Alex contemplated hanging up but finally she managed to blurt out; almost in a rush:

"Hey, Liv, it's me, Alex… Um I was just sitting here and I was wondering if you'd like to come over and have some dinner. I don't like how we left things today, and I just wanted to…"

"I'd love to…" Olivia interrupted.

Alex heard the eagerness in Olivia's voice. It boosted her confidence immensely. It felt good; so good in fact she was left speechless.

"Um, ok well I'll be there in fifteen minutes then." Alex heard Olivia say, followed by the annoying sound of the dial tone signifying Olivia's absence; she had gotten off the phone. When all Alex really wanted to do was listen to Olivia's voice.

"Okay" Alex said into the beeping receiver-to no one.

Alex turned and walked to the kitchen; it would have been nice if she had planned this evening before inviting her.

When in doubt call the Italian restaurant down the street…

Luigi's Italian Cuisine; she remembered Olivia once telling her that she loved Italian food.

She knew Luigi's number by heart; she'd had a lot of late night snacks over the years. Alex loved eating at Luigi's. But it was so family oriented it reminded her that she didn't have a family…

"_Si_, this is, Luigi's, what would you like?"

"Hey Luigi, it's Alex." She could recognise that heavy Italian accent anywhere.

"_Si bella_, your _regolare_?" He asked as if he already knew the answer but asked to be polite anyway.

"No, um I'm having company tonight. Could you just make it for two? Alex felt her face get hot; she was blushing…

"Ah _finalmente, _you found yourself a man!

"Whatever you say Luigi, but I hardly believe a colleague of mine would make a good suitor. We're just friends at the moment." The blonde articulated.

"_Va bene, _if you say so. I'll be there in _cinque minuti _with something _speciale_ for you!


	10. Pull Yourself Together

**Disclaimer: ** I'm not proud of myself… Does anyone have any idea how stressful life is? All I want to do is sit down and write and every time I find some time I get interrupted!!! : I'm very angry that this update took so long… Along with my sister's birthday and Easter and final exams and stupid essays I had to do I also was under a lot of mental stress… Kind of the stress Alex is under in this chapter… Not to mention my muse ran off and had kinky sex with Elliot Stabler! Anyways I hereby declare that my update will never take this long ever again!! RxR Please.  BTW thank you to my beautiful, amazing, perfect "wife"…

The pastel yellow top or the blue? The black pants or the jeans?

She didn't have time for this! The clock was ticking, the food would be arriving soon and so would Olivia for that matter.

The only thing Alex managed to do was take care of the wine. But that was a no-brainer she always had at least one bottle of wine somewhere in her kitchen.

Did it really matter what she was wearing? I mean, she _was_ in her own home… She _was_ being nice in inviting Olivia in the first place. So, again did it matter what she was wearing?

The yellow top, or the blue?

The black pants, or the jeans?

Alex evaluated her choices; black and yellow would make her look like a bumblebee. Black and blue would make her feel like a bruised fruit of some sort…

So Alex finally concluded that the black pants were out. The jeans with yellow or blue?

In the end she picked the yellow for the sole reason that it looked like a happier color, it would keep up with her façade and camouflage her true feelings.

She was feeling a bit down; she wanted Olivia to be coming over so they could cuddle and kiss all night. Instead she was coming over because she had made an ass of herself yet again and she had to fix it…

It was discouraging how she was always apologizing. Was it just inevitable that Alex was always going to hurt people? Was that just the type of person she was? Doomed to always be the ice queen?

Looking at herself in the mirror, she found she even looked cold.

Of all things it wasn't intentional, it's just how her personality bloomed. She couldn't help it. It was so much stronger than herself.

Hopefully her personality didn't doom her into growing old by herself.

Alex glanced at her clock; 7:42, Olivia would be arriving soon…

The blonde would be graced with the brunette's presence once again…

Alex walked to the living room to clear the coffee table so they had a surface to eat on.

Her mind racing with all the different scenarios of how the evening could develop.

Although, it didn't last long. Soon after she had cleared the table the buzzer went off.

Alex didn't even bother asking who it was; she knew Olivia was coming.

Alex was surprisingly calm and collected. Alex's confidence had risen quite high at the sound of the buzzer. After all, why shouldn't be happy Olivia had accepted the invitation.

**Knock, Knock**

Alex opened the door only to see Luigi holding a big brown paper bag.

Why had she just assumed it would be Olivia?

"Hello Luigi," excitement evaporating from her voice.

"Ah… _Cara _you look displeased you were thinking I was somebody else? Your eh… How you say? "… Your Boyfriend? Eh?" Luigi asked.

"Yes, well no… um I just thought you were someone else; I'm sorry"

"Is'ok don worry about it…" the large man assured Alex while holding out the paper bag toward her.

"How much do I owe you?" The blonde asked while putting down the surprisingly heavy bag of food.

"Dis is on da house _amore_, you know, you the only one I deliver food to. Everybody else they gotta come pick it up themselves."

"How come?" the radiant blonde asked.

"Ah because I like you, you are very nice young _femmina _and I hope you happy. _Bella;_ you deserve to be happy. This _ragazzo, _he make you happy no?"

"Yes **she** does" Emphasizing the she, Alex couldn't bring herself to correct him. But in the end did anyways.

"Ahh, well this _ragazza, _she make you happy?"

In that moment all Alex could do is nod her head to say yes…

Alex could feel her cheeks grow red; she had finally confessed her love for the brunette. Even if it was only to the Italian man who delivered her food once in a while. It felt nice to tell a living soul about her love. If felt nice to confess her feelings; it was one baby step closer to telling Olivia.

"Then don worry about it! You just eat some good food, drink a good wine and let it just take a you away, _bella_."

Seeming like a total cliché exit line Luigi tipped his old fashioned tweed flat-cap and left. Which left Alex in her doorway thinking of what he had just told her. "Let it just take you away" Where? Had she ever been there? Had Olivia?

While closing the door Alex attempted to pick up the bag. What was in there? Bricks? Nevertheless the important thing was that the food was there.

Alex brought the food into the kitchen so it could be rendered fashionably presentable. Much better then the containers they came in.

Alex undid the staples at the tip of the bag, took out the various containers filled with who knows what. There was also a bottle of Luigi's favourite wine- his wine.

As Alex opened all the packages she found two portions of lasagna, ten pieces of garlic bread, salad, Italian salad dressing on the side, and obviously a cold bottle of Luigi's personal red wine.

The little preparations Alex's had made were now shot to hell. Alex took the bottle of wine she had taken out and put it back.

Once the blonde finally put the lasagna on two plates, the salad in a bowl with the dressing and the bread in her breadbasket her door buzzer buzzed for the second time that night.

Alex quickly discarded all of Luigi's boxes and bags by dumping them into her recycling bin.

Once all evidence of takeout was gone Alex buzzed Olivia up.

Alex was now running across her apartment- back and forth. She was now running back to the kitchen so she could put the food on the already table clothed table…


End file.
